I went to a program last night about fathers and their role in breastfeeding. To be honest, I was excited about this because, to my knowledge, their aren't many programs around geared towards men and the fatherhood they are called to. At the same time, I was disappointed that of all the topics that could be covered, it was breastfeeding. I am a father of two beautiful daughters, and both were and are exclusively breastfed. What could there be that I haven't seen, heard or experienced? My excitement won out as I did attend this program to see what it was all about.
There was a small number of men there, amongst a group of women; and we were all diverse amongst ourselves. We were married with children, one in need of a refresher, a couple expecting there first child, breastfeeding and non-breastfeeding. In hindsight, as I was writing this, I was alerted to my bias to my own experiences as we all don't have the same experiences.
The program focused not so much on the ins & outs of breastfeeding, but calling our attention to what we think about breastfeeding; the social stigma & misperceptions regarding it. What we know about it; facts, self-explanatory. Finally, what we may not have known about it.
The core message of the evening was how important the role of the father is to breastfeeding. Despite being unable to actually do it, we as fathers are the supporter; the "cheerleader" so to say. We are the one who gets food & drink if needed. We are the ones who stand up and defend against the nay-sayers, against anyone shaming should she be feeding in public. We are the reinforcers if our wives are emotional during such a confrontation.
Next we were put in groups and had to produce a 30 second skit highlighting the values of fathers. It was during this skit that my eyes were opened to an uncomfortable truth. I played a person who was shaming a mother in public as she attempted to feed her child. Her husband's reaction was so passionate, so perfect, it hit me between the eyes. He first consoled her and when she was reaffirmed, he when on the defensive against me. Then my epiphany was cemented by the presenter's closing comments.
What is this uncomfortable truth? I publicly shame women? No. I am not that husband in my role play group. My wife has shared her feelings with me in regards to breastfeeding around some family. I selfishly tried to convince her it wouldn't be fair to deal with it the way she wishes. Luckily, while my youngest is still being breastfed, I still have time to nip this in the bud. It will be hard, but I need to realize my wife comes first and her comfort needs to be satisfied.
If I may add on a separate note, the public image of breastfeeding needs to change. This should be nothing new, but breasts are overly sexualized in today's society. We enjoy the near sight of them on Hollywood red carpets and in magazines, yet are repulsed when they are used the way they were created to be used. A woman has every right to see to her child's feeding; just as you see to yours. no woman is trying to make you look, so give some consideration. Thank you.
All in all, in was a great evening and I enjoyed the program. I hope they develop more programs for fathers in the future.
P.S. Tomorrow (Feb 14th ) is the unofficial feast of St. Valentine. St. Valentine, pray for us.
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